The first three months went really fast. Before we got over the shock of actually able to, as one of my favorite blogger puts it “simply shag and make a baby” after a year of fertility treatments, morning sickness hit.
I say I had it easy. I had a friend who had to stay in bed most of her pregnancy because of severe morning sickness. I count my blessing as mine merely lasted for 2 weeks. Even so, it was so unpleasant at some point I messaged X to ask if this ever ends. Heh..
I only had nausea when I did not eat on time, i.e. I must eat before hunger strikes. So for two weeks, I was hunting for food every 2-3 hours, looking every bit a crazy woman rampaging through office pantry and our pathetically stocked kitchen.
When I nearly fainted in the smrt train when I forgot to have something before leaving the house, Y panicked and went to do up a care package for me so I have something to chew on any time of the day. No surprise that I gained weight steadily through the first trimester.
I did not have much food craving or aversion. Only had to run away from a food court because of the smell once. Most of the time I just had poor appetite but fear of hunger pangs kept me eating.
The most irritating symptom I had was bloatedness. I was so severely bloated that people started to look at me (and the belly) suspiciously before the 3 months was up. I was really shy over the bump and tried hard to wear clothes that hide it. It’s not like I am pang dang over the first three months no-tell taboo. Rather, I am abit embarrassed that it is more gas than baby in the belly.
But mostly, I am just scared. Even though we did try to keep mum for our first pregnancy, we still had to go through the reversing the good news part with some of our closest friends and family members about the miscarriage. The memory of the silence in the room when the doctor tried to search for a heartbeat still pops up every now and then. Every doctor’s visit is a heart-pounding experience. I think without God I would have been a paranoid unhappy worrisome mum to be.
I am currently in my 16th week and can’t wait to see baby again for the 20th week scan. Bloatedness went down significantly since a week ago and it is unnerving to have a shrinking belly. Just weeks ago an auntie thought I was in my fifth month. And yesterday, a colleague exclaimed that I was really small for 16th week. The mystery of the elusive bump.
I am enjoying the pregnancy very much, the whole package complete with puking and bloatedness. For those fertility challenged, you will know what I mean. For each day is a gift from God. Each scan and heartbeat we see is a reminder of God’s grace. Each moment is a blessing from God. And I can’t thank God enough for blessing me with this wonderful journey.